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And here you are....you're awesome

“If you are reading this, you have survived your entire life up until this point.  You have survived traumas, heartbreak, devastation, the different phases of life.

And here you are.

You’re awesome.”

 

I found this quote on…well….Pinterest (don’t hate, Pinterest is addicting).  I have kept it on my phone and read it almost on a daily basis for the past few weeks.

The past 8 months have been the hardest months of my entire life.  I’ve endured heartbreak of being away from my fiancé for 6 months while he was at police training, the stress of moving provinces, the confusions of being in and out of depression….and so on and so on.

Since moving 2 months ago, I’ve struggled a lot with missing my friends and having limited options in a small town.  It’s amazing the things I miss now that they are not available to me.  Drinks at Original Joes in the middle of the day, dropping by David’s Tea to pick up my favorite teas, grabbing a quick lunch at Wok Box, and buying my go-to gluten free food items at Bulk Barn.  These things I can somewhat replace or just deal with.  There are also things such as my previous job I fell in love with and the kickboxing club I belonged to, that are completely irreplaceable and have given me really high standards as far as they go, but also things I will have to just deal with.

I’m really struggling to adjust, but this week I have also become hopeful and something has changed inside of me.  I made many decisions this week that have affected my mood in a positive way. 

I decided to concentrate on the positives of living in a town, rather than what I miss.  No rush hour traffic, never have to pay for parking (and there’s always parking), very quiet, calm atmosphere, people are generally pretty friendly, lots of fresh air etc.   Concentrating on the positives this week has made a huge difference on my outlook on the future. 

Another decision I made this week is to let go.  Let go of expectations, of how I think things should be, of worry and fear, of the pressure I put on myself to be a certain way, and to stand up for myself.  After seeing my past therapist in Saskatoon, I realized that I have this fear of not satisfying everyone.  I have never viewed myself as “that person.”  I’ve decided to do what’s best for me, and to, above all, NOT feel bad about it.  I’m allowed to put myself first because I’m the one living my life.

These decisions this week have given me an incredible feeling of freedom.  I’m looking forward to the future, instead of fearing it.  Life has truly been an adventure for me in the past 8 months, I’ve just been viewing it as a burden.  I look forward to the future years of adventure.