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Thoughts

Well, it’s been awhile.

Life has been crazy!  As usual, I guess.  Except this time I just spent 2 weeks in Newfoundland planning my wedding and now I’m in Saskatoon for 2.5 weeks.  I feel like I’m slacking in the blogging part of my life.

I recently expressed to a friend how irritating it is to have to work twice as hard as the “average” person to feel normal each day.  Anyone know what I mean?

I’m not trying to have a pity party or anything, but this is probably one of the most frustrating things for me.  Every morning (even on good days) it takes me extreme energy to get out of bed, to make meals each day, to get in the shower etc.

Whether I’m in pain or exhaustion from Fibromyalgia, or emotional pain from Bipolar or Anxiety, day to day activities take a lot of effort.  I rarely say “yes” these days to making plans in advance, because at least 50% of the time I have to cancel and I end up feeling guilty or embarrassed.  Fortunately, I have great friends that understand.

I often wonder what it would be like to be able to get up early and go for a walk or feel rested after a night of sleep or feel happy for 24 straight hours with no mood swings.  I’ve never known what that is like and I probably never will.

BUT, through my struggles I have learned.  I have learned that self care is important.  I have learned that I can help others who are going through the same thing.  I have learned more about myself that I ever would have without an illness.  I have learned that I am a warrior.  And, above all, I have learned that things could be worse.

Once in awhile I have mini pity parties, but I only allow myself an hour of it.  That’s it.  Then after I force myself to suck it the hell up.  Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to feel bad.  We need to let ourselves cry and get angry and throw shit (preferably pillows).  But then we must take that frustration and anger and sadness and turn it into motivation – motivation to get back “on the horse” and take care of ourselves.

What have you learned about yourself through your illness?