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Fighting for my life

Do you ever feel as though you're fighting for you life?  Every.  Single.  Day.

There are periods of time, more frequently than I would like, where I feel as though I'm fighting for my life.  I wake up in the morning and stare in the mirror and make myself smile, make myself say positive affirmations, and make myself think positively.

Throughout the day I fight off depressed thoughts.  I make myself go to the gym and eat healthy. It takes all of my energy to do those things.  By the time I hit the evening, I'm not sure I can fight anymore.  

There's been many instances where I've cancelled plans with friends during the evening because I literally can't fight anymore.  Socializing is exhausting.  Pretending to be happy is exhausting.

I was stable for a very long time until I moved one year ago.  The move has been very difficult for my mental stability.  Leaving all my friends, my job, and everything I knew for 27 years.  It's been tough living without a job and it isn't easy to make friends in a small town.  I've had many ups and downs in the last year.  Oh, so many.  Currently I have rapid cycling depressions.  One day I'm great, the next I don't want to leave my bed, then the next I'm fantastic again.

But I fight.  I will always fight.  Because I know things will get better, even though it feels very dark.  Impossibly dark sometimes.

Do you ever feel as though you are fighting for your life?