Do you ever feel as though you're fighting for you life? Every. Single. Day.
There are periods of time, more frequently than I would like, where I feel as though I'm fighting for my life. I wake up in the morning and stare in the mirror and make myself smile, make myself say positive affirmations, and make myself think positively.
Throughout the day I fight off depressed thoughts. I make myself go to the gym and eat healthy. It takes all of my energy to do those things. By the time I hit the evening, I'm not sure I can fight anymore.
There's been many instances where I've cancelled plans with friends during the evening because I literally can't fight anymore. Socializing is exhausting. Pretending to be happy is exhausting.
I was stable for a very long time until I moved one year ago. The move has been very difficult for my mental stability. Leaving all my friends, my job, and everything I knew for 27 years. It's been tough living without a job and it isn't easy to make friends in a small town. I've had many ups and downs in the last year. Oh, so many. Currently I have rapid cycling depressions. One day I'm great, the next I don't want to leave my bed, then the next I'm fantastic again.
But I fight. I will always fight. Because I know things will get better, even though it feels very dark. Impossibly dark sometimes.
Do you ever feel as though you are fighting for your life?